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Health Matters: Providence St. Mary Medical Center | 5 they cannot teach their children to do the same. "I think I most want them to know that parenting is crazy and challenging. But it's the child's job to challenge us. As parents, it's our job to respond, not react. That's what we teach in the class." Learning to listen and respond better to her children has been a huge help for Nancy Lemus, who recently completed the program. She is the mother of four daughters who are 3, 7, 11 and 18 years old. She learned about the classes when her youngest enrolled in an Early Head Start preschool. Looking back, Nancy says she wishes she'd been able to attend a parenting class like St. Mary 's when she was a first-time parent. "I think every parent, especially new parents, should take this class, because it's really helpful," Nancy says. "It doesn't just teach you how to be a parent, but it teaches you how to understand your children and how to nurture yourself. That was a hard part for me. I used to feel guilty when I did something for myself. So I learned to nurture myself in this class. If I had known about this when my oldest child was born, I would have been a different parent, a better parent." THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-CARE Teaching the concept of self-care is one of the fundamentals of the class. Marcela says, "When I asked the group, 'What are you doing for self- care?' I thought I had lost sound on the Zoom call, because it went completely silent. None of them had ever thought about this or realized how important it is." The class includes an assignment that calls for mothers to do something as simple as taking a walk alone after their husbands get home. "By caring for themselves, parents model that behavior for their child, which helps build self- esteem and emotional intelligence," Marcela adds. Parenting with intention is another concept that is fundamental to the class. For example, how to build empathy in a child is an oft- discussed topic. Some activities that parents have already incorporated into their daily routines, like caring for a pet or tending a garden, are golden opportunities for fostering a child's emotional growth. "It's giving a name to something they already share with their kids and helping them understand why it's so healthy," says Marcela. "A week after this lesson, one mother told me, 'We watered the garden yesterday, but somehow it felt different, because I knew what it was doing for my child. It wasn't just a chore. I was teaching them how to be empathetic.' " Although the curriculum is geared toward par- ents with children under the age of 5, Nancy says the Bridges for Families program has also helped improve her communication with her teenager. "It's taught me not to be so quick to yell, how to listen to her and understand her needs," she says. "Sometimes we have a homework assignment that's a questionnaire we both answer. It helps me see her point of view." KNOWING WHAT TO EXPECT As part of the program, Marcela and Sandra also perform developmental screenings to ensure no critical areas exist wherein a child might be lacking. They talk with parents about appropriate expectations and what their child should be able to accomplish by certain stages in their lives. "Sometimes parents don't understand what is or isn't normal behavior," explains Marcela. "When children dump their toys out, that's actually a developmental milestone. Moving a chair to reach some cookies on a counter is a problem-solving skill. Kids aren't doing these things to be naughty. They are learning and growing. When we teach this to parents, it changes their perspective." After the classes end, the facilitators continue to support the families for up to a year, helping them connect to other needed resources. These could be anything from counseling to finding a food bank to enrolling in an exercise program. Most importantly, Marcela wants parents to understand that, "yes, parenting is hard, and it's supposed to be hard. It's OK to ask for help and learn new things. Taking the classes doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It just means you want to be better." For more information about Providence St. Mary Medical Center's Bridges for Families program, email marcela.rede@ stjoe.org or sandra.flores3@stjoe.org or call 760-946-4241. Classes are available in Spanish and English. Opposite page: Nancy Lemus and her four daughters. Above: Nancy with Sandra Flores (left) and Marcela Rede (right).

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